v u l v a l i c i o u s
i was fine until i wasn't
no, but the thing is this:
you don't get to ask me how i feel and then get sad about it.
you don't get to say, "what are you upset about" and then get upset with me over it.
no, actually that is the very last thing you can do.
how do you not understand the difference between my sadness at being here (this hot lonely place) and my happiness in your company (how much i love you, the things i say, the way i hold your hand)?
if i could bury these feelings it's the first thing i'd do. in fact it's the thing that keeps me afloat most of the time. but goddamn if i want that to be the way i live.
and i want you to hold me, not back away. i want to not feel so goddamn needy.