v u l v a l i c i o u s
sometimes i think about every email i've ever started and deleted, all the ones i address to myself or to you, and i want to gather them up.
re-read every unkind word i ever directed at either of us and cry for them, laugh, hold onto them.
i hit delete too much. all the notes unsent. the reminders of how much i hated myself for something that, it turned out, could not have been better.
and there are ones i've sent or saved of course. i stumble across them and frown.
even now i've highlighted all these words and hit control + X. excise, cut, delete. i'm never pleased with my thoughts once i get them out. but i'm hardly ever satisfied with throwing them away