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I saw the beginnings of sunrise and even that was not enough
2002-11-30 // 10:01 p.m.

The sky was dark at take off, and I was sad that I was on the wrong side of the plane the second I saw the first burst of sunrise. I haven't been awake for a sunrise in a while, and haven't seen one since I was small. It's something I miss when it happens; I am inside when the magic starts, and by the time I get there, morning has come into its own.

But what I saw was beautiful: Scarlet red fizz bubbling up in the sky in the moments after the plane took off like magic; streaks of color beginning to reflect up into the clouds, while city lights glowed pale orange underneath a blue-fade sky.

It's that sort of thing that makes the morning worthwhile, that makes me feel ok about being awake before life starts.

But I left a part of me there this time, more than ever. I want to be there now and not here; I want to sit alone in that room and not this one, and breath the same air as those people and not these. Even she couldn't save me if she were here--I am not supposed to be here now.

Every part of me is tired, and wants more than anything to rest until a feeling of belonging comes back again.

My Cunt is tired of traveling, and longs for nothing more than a good home, a warm place to Be.


i travel backwards in time, but dream of going forward - 2006-11-21
The Gentrification of a Perfectly Good Cunt - 2006-04-02
apologia, not apology - 2006-03-06
karen carpeter loops and the space time continuum - 2005-12-19
kissing like you mean it, even when you don't necessarily know what "it" is - 2005-04-16