current | archives | rings | guestbook | profile | notes | design | host

v u l v a l i c i o u s

apologia, not apology
2006-03-06 // 3:57 a.m.

The other night I dreamt that I unleashed a plague on my corner of the world. There were bugs boiling through my ears, so real it almost woke me up. I hadn't been safe from the beginning: I had only survived the first attack because I was buried under snow--I had fallen asleep outside, and the snow made me a part of the forest.

In my waking life, I'm trying to take up space. I want to stop apologizing for my existence, stop saying I'm sorry when I'm standing where someone else wants to be.

Sorry backs away, regrets, wants not to be noticed.

I regret that I took up the space you wanted to use to get there. Please forgive me; it was wrong for me to stand here as you tried to push past me. How sad that I couldn't erase myself altogether. I'm sorry.

I have to stop. It feels like the world is bubbling inside me. Apologizing only makes me angrier.


possibly possible unless it's impossable - 2007-03-07
theories of abundance - 2007-02-05
Teeth marks on a pale white neck - 2007-01-09
i travel backwards in time, but dream of going forward - 2006-11-21
The Gentrification of a Perfectly Good Cunt - 2006-04-02