v u l v a l i c i o u s
i had forgotten how much i missed you, how long it had been since i had felt you standing over me, just to my right and behind, whispering directions into my ear. never right or left, backwards or forwards, but instead just louder, love. louder.
i have been swallowing my voice, smiling it down into a wad of gum that will stay in my gut for 7 years. without you there, i have been looking always to the left and ahead, hoping for direction and getting nothing but a silencing finger over fake painted lips. the dead brown ground and the crunch of dry days under my feet.
there is love and there is hate. history winning out, grabbing me by the arm and telling me to make something. and so i do.
walking alone i used to take you into my mouth and suck and suck, only at the edges, daring myself to do more.
you are the part of me that demands to be made and then made over. to stitch together two like things and make something greater, to cobble and curse and bleed and build. i had forgotten you until you were above me, insistent, commanding, pulling me into you again.
unchanging and persistent, locking eyes with me and saying yes, yes, yes, until it is the only word i know or have ever known.
so i say it too, yes. yes. yes. and it forms itself to me and reminds me where i am going, steps and steps in rhythmic time of yes, yes, yes.
i create and sing, speak in tongues, open myself to this world until i am undone by it, re-formed in the image of yes, and. made into myself and selves, red and gold, green at the heart of me.
into the skillfully curled other worlds of yes. yes. yes.