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v u l v a l i c i o u s

From the outside, in; falling or being pushed
2003-11-15 // 4:27 p.m.

I'm not so much upset at the fact that she may still be with her girlfriend as the fact that she has told me repeatedly that she is not. I am, strangely, not a jealous person. I am, however, one who does not appreciate being lied to. I do hold grudges once I have been pushed too far. It's the getting to too far that's hard.

And it's alright that last night I saw my old her and wanted so badly to stick around and talk with her in spite of knowing I had places to go. It's ok that I watched her walk in and then thought of ways to bump into her, talk with her for a moment, ask her to eat with me even if neither of us had the time. Or it's not ok at all, and reminds me that I tend towards obsession, of liking or loving too much.

I would like it very much if everything would arrange itself neatly before me: an orange, split, the sections separated for ease of eating. Juice. The taste of tang and sweet filling me up from the outside in.


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apologia, not apology - 2006-03-06
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