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hard femme flagging
2014-11-30 // 11:31 p.m.

There was a time when I worried about flagging femme. When I felt invisible, hiding under a work uniform, wearing jeans and t-shirts and wishing I had some sign I could flash over my head that said: QUEER HERE, with a big arrow pointing down at me.

Somewhere between then and now, things shifted. I started wearing skirts more. And dresses. Tights in bright colors. It's funny that the clothes that could easily mark traditional femininity somehow felt non-traditional on me, but they did. My body felt like it was mine. And the more at home I felt, the more I wanted tight skirts. Short skirts, too. When I look in the mirror, I want to see myself under my clothes, right there at the surface. Not hiding.

I've been here a year now, finally working a job where I can wear whatever I want. Every day is a skirt day. In the past few months, nearly every day has become a makeup day, too.

Makeup was always about playtime for me. As a kid I took out my little fake makeup kits and made bruises on my arms from the colors. I wanted everything to blend together. It was never subtle. I left that behind for a long time, and then rediscovered it very suddenly.

My eye makeup is bright. I make stripes, streaks, blocks of color; I accent with eyeliner that wings out in a stream of whatever shade I feel like. Green. Gold. Purple. Blue. Black. Pink.

Lipstick can be difficult. It will rub off quickly, so I choose dark or bright colors. My latest acquisitions are dark metallics--green and blue and purple--and rich, matte reds.

The stronger my makeup is, the more protected I feel. When I am wearing a short skirt and red lipstick, I feel hard, polished, strong, unshakeable. I feel femme.

Femme like don't fuck with me; Femme like I mean it.

Flagging hard.


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oh fresh hell - 2015-01-09
illusory femmecock - 2015-01-01
one sided conversations - 2014-12-19
the taste of wanting - 2014-12-11