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v u l v a l i c i o u s

Don't care how, I want it now.
2004-08-27 // 4:23 p.m.

I keep falling for faraway gender outlaws. They're so forbidden that I can't take it. Too far gone to talk to or touch enough, and yet they seem so close when I'm in my head.

I wrote to one, telling her that I wanted to be at her house tonight. I want to make dinner for him and curl up on the couch with a movie, snuggle in to the familiar smell of his cologne and maybe fall asleep there. I've been falling for her more and more all the time, so much that I don't think she understands it.

Another sent me a message saying that the distance makes it hard to cuddle, make out, and engage in dirty dirty activities. When I talk about him, I feel sparkles. She's like wearing glitter all over, having someone blow it onto my exposed shoulders. We've met once, but I'm smitten like a crushed out 13 year old. I wrote him a note saying that, and felt silly for sending it. And yet it needed to be said. I write him squishy love letters that I don't ever send. But I should start. She'd like that, I think.

I want answers. I want to know why my heart only takes up with distance lovers. I want someone physically close to me that makes my heart sing out. I want it. Now.


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