v u l v a l i c i o u s When all you want to do is fuck her, and she won't let you 2003-09-13 // 12:30 a.m. We are talking on the phone, and the conversation turns smutty. I like to act surprised that she is thinking about fucking me, play coy and shocked, and then tell her, as matter-of-factly as possible, that I have been touching my cunt the whole time we've been talking. It drives her to a kind of insanity. She is hours away, in a house with her family, and she wants to be with me. Her voice gets shaky and she tells me that I torture her. She loves it. I love it. I tell her that I want to fuck her. I say that I want her to be first this time, that I want to get her off before she gets me off. I love the feeling of fucking someone, of having them ride your hand like its the only thing they've ever wanted inside of them. I like to feel the walls of a cunt, think about how different they are from mine, and let the differences engulf me. There's definitely a lot of power in fucking someone. It doesn't surpass the power of being fucked, but it certainly isn't any less. It's just a different kind of power. And I like it. She tells me, still in her dirty voice, the one thing I did not ever want to hear a lover say to me: I get off by getting you off. I tell her not to play that game, tell her that I've been thinking of fucking her so much lately. She tells me I'll have to take it from her, but only if she lets me. She tells me she won't let me. At this point, she is not playing the coy games I play. She is serious. I cannot fuck her, not because she doesn't want it, or because she can't physically take it, but because she won't allow herself to be that vulnerable. I don't know where I am with her, and my cunt feels lost in a wash of sexual doubt. How can I be with someone who won't let me inside? back-forth