v u l v a l i c i o u s getting what you want 2009-02-03 // 1:27 a.m. Getting what you want. It's a mystery, until it isn't anymore. One day you wake up and it's there, you're there, the whole deal handed to you with no work no planning no hard knock life. Santa Claus exists, and he has had a love child with the tooth fairy and that child was you and the Easter bunny is your nanny. Or not. Getting what you want. It's the culmination of days, weeks, months, years of thinking you'd never have what you want. Of struggling and smirking at the unfairness. Mixed in there are wails of sadness. All the times you thought what was coming to you was a lot of nothing. I have wanted this for a long time. This feeling that I'm doing something right. I wake up in the morning and I don't feel weighted down. There is love, there is the feeling that I have begun choosing well. There is not the aching suspicion that something is about to fall apart. I was told time and again that saturn return would come for me. That my life would change, and I'd know it, that if I'd chosen poorly it would be abundantly clear. It feels like I've chosen well. I am getting what I wanted, and I don't mind that one bit. back-forth