v u l v a l i c i o u s i ain't missing you at all 2013-05-28 // 12:53 a.m. it's not like i miss you. it's only that my whole body aches. that i have tears in my eyes and a knot in my chest that's working its way up up to my throat. and i promise i don't feel sick to my stomach over you. it's not the way you're not here that's making me curl myself up, over, down, crawl under blankets until there is none of me visible anymore. i've not been taking my vitamins. not been taking care. i stopped sleeping. spent six hours (days, weeks, months) waiting for you and wondering, wanting. wishing you were here. i wrote you 3 letters and 5 cards and i never mailed one. 17 postcards, none of them right. all scrawled out the message: babe, love, darling, my sweet one. i miss you, i need you, i love you. i wish you were here. goddamn i wish you were here. and here is no place, usually. here is there is any place i happen to be standing at the moment. in the car. at work. in the hour i have alone in the house. goddamn i wish you were here. i lied before. when i said i didn't miss you. when i told you this ache wasn't for you. because in dreams i have stretched out my arms, wide as wings, wrapped them around you, taken you from your bed. i have flown back here and set you down and held you until you forgot your own name. until you forgot everything but me, this, us. the truth is i miss you so much it hurts. back-forth