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v u l v a l i c i o u s

A List of Worries, for my mother
2008-03-21 // 3:44 a.m.

Father:
Is getting sicker
Won't remember me
Never loved me
Doesn't know who I am
Will fall
Will die
Is dying
Hates me, for letting him die
Hates me, for not being good enough
Can't remember my mother

Children:
Will be killed:
in a car accident
by a pyschopath
during a robbery
and raped
and it will be my fault
and I won't have talked to them that day

Will die
Will forget me
Will put me in a nursing home
Resent me
Don't love me
Aren't there for me like I was for my mother

I:
am sick
am getting sicker
am feeling worse every day
am afraid.

I'm worried that I'm afraid.

back-forth

the quiet - 2010-04-04
Flagging Femme - 2009-10-05
taking care of business - 2009-02-18
getting what you want - 2009-02-03
of salt pillars and oak trees - 2008-06-26